Commitment and Honor

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh  Genesis 2:24


I often wonder why some married couples seem to be a beautiful extension of the couple they were when they first began dating (happy, excited, in love, optimistic about their future together) while others seem to undergo an almost instant change to quite the opposite within days or weeks (if not minutes) after being married.  I have been so hugely blessed in my life to continue strong in the first category.  I am still awestruck at the beauty of my wife! 5 kids and just shy of 13 years after marriage she continues to amaze and inspire me.  She makes me want to be a better person.  I am not bragging or exaggerating here.  I don't feel like I have all the answers and solutions.  I admit humbly and sincerely that I have been blessed immensely with a great wife and a wonderful family.  I do strongly believe that there are some very clear and distinct reasons that we have not only maintained our love and friendship, but indeed both love and friendship have grown and flourished since we were married.  And I know that these are Godly principles that can be applied to any and every marriage, relationship (family or otherwise), and friendship to achieve similar and even greater results!  Honor your friendships and relationships, and you will receive honor from them.

1.  Friends and Partners.  Why is it that so many people quit being friends after they get married?  It's like they cannot fathom being friends and partners.  And you can see the trends and results in both marriages and business partnerships.  WAY too often they end quickly with no shred of friendship remaining.  Friends first, friends always, is so important in marriage.  True friends will always be there and keep your best interest in mind, and your spouse not only can be, but should be your best friend.  Always put them first on your list, in your heart.  And friendship will support, not tear apart, your marriage.  
2. Commitment.  This can be a scary word for both men and women (for different reasons generally).  But commitment is a wonderful concept and an even better reality when it is an integral part of your relationships.  It turns a casual friend or acquaintance into a partner and an ally.  I heard a great statement about commitment that really helps put it into perspective:  When problems arise, if you are committed you look for a solution to the problems; if you are not committed you look for an escape from the problems. Be committed, seek for solutions and not escapes or excuses.  Marriage is a chance to become true allies, true friends, truly happy!  
3. Cultivate!  I am a poor gardener.  Not because I don't know how to garden, but because I don't garden.  I don't tend to the garden, fertilize, water, weed, and generally care for those plants that I want to grow while keeping the unwanted plants away!  But symbolically, I am a good marriage gardener, and so should you be!  Don't allow contention into your marriage, and when it tries to become rooted, don't just ignore it, DESTROY IT!  Go out of your way to 'say something nice or don't say anything at all'.  "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment." — Benjamin Franklin  And sometimes you may need to point out that you are 'not saying anything at all' because you want to destroy contention; you want to nourish love not hate.  Water your marriage with compliments, flirting, dating, love notes, gifts, and smiles!  Seek out the 'weeds' daily that are hurting your relationships and remove them.  Hold hands, open doors, give praise and share gratitude.  These seemingly small gestures are great fertilizer for a happy marriage.
4. Share.  One of the biggest divisions in a marriage or business partnership is that of finances.  Generally, either accounts and income are kept separate or all the 'bills' and budgeting is dumped on either the husband or the wife.  And with the dumping of the budgeting responsibilities blame and shame are too often included. 'Where did you spend all our money?'  'Why can't you get the budget under control?'  Separate accounts and income are just as destructive to a relationship, if not more so.  'My money' and 'your money' should never exist in a marriage:  they shall be one..!  You cannot be one and separate at the same time.  You cannot serve God and mammon.  One of the greatest ways to become one, is to share equally in matters of budgeting and finances, regardless of who makes the money or who makes more money.  You are one, all money is shared as are all bills, debts, investments, and plans.  If not, then you are not 'one'. 

 Commit to your friendship, share in the cultivation and responsibilities!  And watch the garden of joy and enjoyment grow in your relationships!

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong admit it;
Whenever you're right shut up. - Ogden Nash.